My blog isn’t called ‘honest to raw’ for no reason. It is my tears, trials, joy and me being raw with vulnerability. It is my heart, hard work and me being honest. I’m prepared for you to judge me, applaud me, take it personally or not care at all. I am praying it gives hope to the hopeless and turns around even just ONE life who reads my words. I can’t worry about what people think anymore, you don’t have to follow me if that’s what you choose. That is ok. I am finally proud of myself for being brave enough to tear down my emotional walls so you can know the real me inside. My hope is to encourage you in your own similar struggles through my vulnerability and ongoing prayers for the voiceless… maybe that is you. I am praying for you. For you to know you are not alone and learn to love who God made you to be. That’s it. I decided to finally pursue my passion of writing and share my heart with you. Thank you for being here! -trw
Through my divorce, being in my creative writing class literally kept me moving forward, and helped me get through one of the most difficult times of my life. My Professor was incredible and my classmates were encouraging and inspiring. I couldn’t have done it without them. I have always dreamed of being a writer, but that was never an option for a career. It just seemed not possible or realistic. I was scared to be put myself out there from years of insecurity. Going through the hardships in my life with being bullied as a kid in a private school, my parents divorce, destructive and abusive relationships, drug and alcohol addictions, struggling with my faith, being sick from breast implants and going through my own divorce… well, all of this had made me very bitter inside for many years, but now it has made me a stronger woman and proud of the person that I am becoming. Always staying true to myself, being honest and raw with everything in my life. Getting to know myself again, from being lost in the party life for many years and never knowing what direction in life I was really going towards. Going on mission trips to Haiti, twice now, has changed me forever. It has humbled me even more and for that I am so grateful to the people of Haiti and listening to God and going. The beautiful Haitian people showed me how to love again and that relationships with each other and God are truly the most important things in your life. To help, and love others unconditionally. To give thanks to God because He has provided all of my strength to make it through days, months and years of pain and struggles. Yoga has played a big part in my life as well. It was an outlet for me to just breathe. It brought me so much peace to be one with my thoughts and reflect on myself, as does my writing. To be aware of the good around me and to see the good in the people around me as well. That everyone has their own struggles, and not to take things personally when they show anger, hate or destructive behavior towards me. To know that it is them and not me that causes their pain. Only they can help themselves to get through that once they recognize it and admit they need help. It is not my job to fix everyone… I’m not Jesus. This past year my focus has been on letting things go. To move forward by following my heart, help people, enjoy the new relationships that I am building, work on myself and my bad habits. To live in the moment more, have peace, positivity, be optimistic and to see what God is all about. To surround myself with like minded people who lift me up and not bring me down. I cannot stress enough how important that is!
I have wanted to be a writer ever since I can remember. I submitted a few poems some years ago to some greeting card companies and heard back from one saying that they liked what they read and wanted more samples of my work. I couldn’t believe it! I was SO EXCITED. I didn’t have a great support system at the time, so I never submitting anything else because it was put in my head that it was pointless and “for what?”. It was a fear of being successful too, I think. Because for a minute, it felt like my dream could maybe become a reality and that was scary. It sounds foolish saying that out loud now, but that’s the truth. I never shared my work or poems to anyone else besides a little poem here and there to close friends. People throughout the years would always comment to me on how great I was with words especially on cards for special occasions… birthday’s, anniversaries, deaths, thank you’s and get wells. But besides that, no one has read my tightly kept journals until I had to open up and let my guard down when I took creative writing. Going through the worst, most confusing and uncomfortable season of my life with a separation, my classmates gave me the confidence to push through my fears and just go for it with my writing. My parents and a few of my close friends, who really understand the depth of me, saw my talent and constantly reminded me that I could do it. That people want to hear what I have to say because it is honest and raw and others will be able to relate to me. My friend Katie had really been an inspiration to me all the way from Italy! She always checked in with me and kept asking, “why hasn’t your blog gone live yet?”. FEAR of perfection. Just knowing that I have friends and parents that support me as much as they do makes me feel just a little more confident that my voice will actually be heard one day. Never give up on your dreams and passions because it may one day make a difference in someone’s life. -trw