How many times can my heart feel like it’s failed?
Every single time I turn back to YOU.
I walked away because I became distracted with someone else.
Those feelings of being a fool again are back.
I want these heartbreak tears to flow down my face,
but I am holding them in this time.
Anger is surfacing and with pen and paper words flow with disbelief.
This pain in my heart hurts so bad.
Not feeling worthy of your love, how can I with anyone else?
Is it until I recognize yours, that I will not have this love on earth?
I just want to sit and cry, but I can’t allow anymore wasted emotions to take control.
Seeing that I’m trying to live my life selfishly again is crashing down.
It doesn’t work.
Lord, if it’s your will, show me clarity.
I thought I was seeing it and now I’m second guessing.
Abuse has controlled my life for too long and has done enough damage…
it needs to be completely gone from my life.
Take it away. If it’s your will. If it isn’t, I need more clarity.
Pull my blinders off and show me now.
Patience has been a really difficult lesson and I’m exhausted to continue to be.
I’m falling faster in a downward spiral with these lies I’ve been believing.
You have always given me much more than I thought I could handle…
I made it through every single time, but this time I’m failing hard.
My eyes are down and I need them up. -trw
(GEORGE 9/5/17. Song of encouragement, “You are more” by Tenth Avenue North)